Raging Discussions of Our Time: Jake Gyllenhaal on the Cover of UK Esquire - Hot or Not?

I say not.  A cursory and garishly incomplete survey of other people's opinions across the internet suggests I'm in the minority.  A breakdown of my argument below:

1.  The haunted stare has an intensity that veers more toward physical hunger than sexual hunger.  There's also a hint of disbelief in that look, as if Jake is saying to us, "You won't believe what they want me to do with Taylor Swift..."

2.  Bad posture is never attractive.  It's even less attractive in a suit that looks like it has shoulder pads.

3.  Hand placement reinforces the hunger theme.  I suddenly feel like giving Jake all the loose change in my wallet...or possibly backing away from him... 

4.  OJ Simpson gloves in the front pocket solidifies my decision.  I'm backing away from him.

5.  Dill, though in a reduced state, is nonetheless making Jake look about five years older than he actually is.

6.  None of this is enhancing the headline (which seems a bit lazy...Jake Gyllenhaal is 29 years old and male.  What else would be on his brain?)

Feel free to vehemently disagree with me in the comments.

Also, if you are a U.S. citizen of voting age, don't forget that today is the first Tuesday in November of an even-numbered non-presidential-election year!  That means mid-terms, baby.  So please vote!  (Although if you're voting Republican, even if you don't vote your candidate will likely win anyway...)