Special Car Report: What Would Dastan Do?

Jake Gyllenhaal has failed at life recently by not being photographed climbing into his car, a feat which all of us wait for with bated breath and judge him for based on the harsh but fair standards of his past performances.

Concerned as I am about the psychological toll this drought is taking on all of us, I went in search of a distraction, and found one so astounding that I'm having difficulty remaining calm enough to type this sentence.  

Friends, I have unearthed a set of photos that may (or may not) be worth far more than their weight in gold (which is nothing, because these are digital pictures):

Prince Dastan.  Alive, well, and approaching a car (sometime several months ago).  If we can't have Jake, this allows us the next best thing.  So, without further ado, I hereby present to you my analysis (on a scale of 1-10) of Dastan's car entrance.

The Approach:

Though we can't see what the right hand is doing, the left hand is empty...hardly a harbinger of a good show to come, but I'll refrain from judging this early.

The Approach, Part 2:

(Because we're ignoring the photo I started this post with...)  Where the FUCK did that apple come from?  Alright, Dastan, I'm impressed.  I'm not easily impressed, but that was impressive...

The Open:

Already?  TOO SOON.  Abort!  Abort!  I still can't see both hands!  We're crashing, Dastan...crashing...and burning...

The Get-In:

And it's over.  Christ on a crutch.

Way too rushed, no attention to detail, but I will award a few tenths for the apple.

Dastan's Car-Getting-Into Score = 1.9

And he knows he's let us down:

HE KNOWS.

In happier Dastan-themed news, word on the street is that Prince of Persia will be hitting your home Blu-ray/DVD players on September 14!   That's so soon!  I'd been thinking it would be closer to Christmas, but for some reason Disney didn't ask for my marketing advice on this one.