Not Only Does He Ride a Motorcycle, He's Famous!

The things we're learning about Jake this week!

Today, via The Twitter, I ran across a very interesting article (which was published yesterday so most of you are probably over it already) from the Miami Herald, which you can read HERE...interesting because not only does it exhibit a new and progressive take on punctuation, but interesting because the person who wrote it appears to have fallen unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Jake during the writing process.  And can we blame him?

Charles Cotayo, reporter extraordinaire, tells us (after several paragraphs filled with words like "charisma," "superstar," and "versatility") that last weekend, "...Gyllenhaal, with the physique of an Olympian, drew the public like a magnet to the their local cineplexes."

Except...Jake sort of didn't do that so much...but I truly appreciate Charles stretching the truth for the people of Miami!

My only quibble with the article is that Charles calls our Gylls an "A-Lister."

ACTUALLY, according to a highly scientific calculation which I am by law required to keep secret, Jake Gyllenhaal clocks in at 7.4 on the I'm Stalking Jake! Fame Scale (ISJFS), which extends from Your High School English Teacher (1) to Susan Boyle (10).  This puts him just above Justin Bieber and slightly below Megan Fox.

Upside of this Fame Level - Available in plastic form at most regional Wal-Marts.  

Downside of this Fame Level - Still less famous than Orlando Bloom.

Aside from this minor slip-up, though, the article Charles has written just might be the most pro-Jake piece I have ever read.  (Just wait till you get to the part about Jake being a scholar of classical literature.  Who knew?!)  He even manages to soften the critical responses to Prince of Persia by poetically calling them "mixed reviews that leaned toward the darker side of the star-rating system."

Charles Cotayo, your check's in the mail.

(Though I don't know if you'll be able to cash it.  I'm a little strapped right now.)

Justin Bieber from HERE, Megan Fox HERE.