PG Expertly Analyzes Jake Gyllenhaal's GMA Interview!

It's hard work being a Gyllenscholar.  Hours of training are involved in learning to decipher the nuances.  Sometimes Jake will say something and the average law-abiding citizen might think, 'WTF?  That didn't make any sense!'  But someone as well-trained and as in-tune with Jake's feelings as me can hear that same thing and find clues in it to the mysteries of the universe.   

So let's take a look at Jake's Good Morning America appearance (video in the previous post) and see what was really going on there:

00:00 - We hear him before we see him.  Jake giggles maniacally as our interviewer, Elizabeth Vargas, chastises him for his "heckling of the guests."

00:24 - Jake finally stops laughing, so now the interview can start.

00:25 - The guests Jake was just harassing break out into spontaneous applause.  Jake applauds with them because he, too, is excited that Jake Gyllenhaal is on Good Morning America.

00:45 - Jake tells us he did Prince of Persia because he literally wanted people to not be able to take him seriously.

01:03 - Jake gives us a plot synopsis.  Those of us at home marvel at how similar Dastan's upbringing is to Jake's.  (For instance, while Jake was never an orphan [probably], he did have his Bar Mitzvah at a homeless shelter because his family was so poor.  Also, Jake really does have a dagger that turns back time.)

01:33 - Jake forgets something he said one time in another interview, and finds his own words almost as hilarious as yelling at hapless guests in the audience.

01:42 - "Fist-fighting?" Jake asks, as if sounding out words from a language other than English.  Then, looking like his movements are beyond his control, his fists begin...fighting.

01:51 - Everyone is still laughing at Jake for not understanding fist-fighting.

02:00 - Jake defines parkour as "the ability to run from one place to another." 

02:29 - Jake brings up fist-fighting again, because he's still really, really confused about it.  He laughs nervously.  Elizabeth Vargas deftly switches subjects.

02:37 - 03:05 - Clip from Prince of Persia.

03:10 -Elizabeth tells Jake that the clip "deserves a round of applause."  Jake tells her that if she thought that was good, she should wait and see how slammin' his on-screen kissin' skillz are.  (Ow-ow!)

03:41 - Jake admits he can't tell the difference between a Southern accent and a British one.

04:01 - Jake gets very upset recounting the Moroccan heat.  "It's just so hard being an actor!" he says.

04:07 - Elizabeth calls Jake a "poor, overworked, sweaty thing," leading me to believe that for the past 57 seconds, her mind's been stuck on Jake bragging about his kissin' skillz.

04:22 - Jake's wrists again begin to duel.

04:56 - The issue of Jake's last name comes up.  I told Jake last week (in some comment) that he shouldn't have told people the wrong pronunciation, and now he takes 30 seconds to say to America, and the world, "Prophecy Girl was right!  Prophecy Girl is always right!"

05:30 - Jake tells us it's okay if we call him "Gylls."  But I think maybe I won't.

On second thought, maybe I will.

And that's it!

All in all, that was a lot of hilarity and bruised wrists packed into a sub-six-minute interview!  I think the message that we should all take away from this clip is how incredibly sweet it is that Jake managed to grow up in a homeless shelter without ever having to learn about fist-fighting.