In Preparation For Tomorrow's Premiere, Jake Will Spend His Sunday Washing His Hair

We have heard so much about Jake Gyllenhaal and his hair lately.  How grossly unattractive it is.  How important it is to condition separately.  Now, we even hear how important his hair is to making his muscles look bigger:

"The Jake Gyllenhaal workout plan…starts with growing long, long hair…gorgeous greasy locks and then washing every day….Wash, shampoo, then condition. Washing works the biceps and then the triceps by conditioning. And vigorously rubbing all of your body with soap really defines the abs and the pectoral muscles. And if you do squats while you're bathing – that's it!"

Periodically throughout filming, Jake would hide his hair because of the shame of improper conditioning.

With so much riding on his hair care regimen, it's obvious that Jake's day today will be a busy one, full of deep lathering and thorough rinsing.  We wish you luck, Jake!  We here at ISJ will be watching your implausibly overpumped muscles closely tomorrow and we will know...we will know...if you used a 2-in-1 product.

(Prophecy Girl, meanwhile, will be spending her Sunday sitting next to the phone waiting to hear from Pop Sugar that she won a trip to the premiere!  Wait, what?  The contest is over?  And she WASN'T THE WINNER?!  On second thought, Prophecy Girl will be spending her Sunday getting very, very drunk.)